The disappointments of being healthy

This is my last week of what Google Image calls the 30 Day Challenge.



I am one day behind because I went into it full-tilt, and my thigh muscles were in such agony for two days that I could barely walk, much less squat. I caught up by doubling up my workouts for a bit at the beginning, and again in Week 3 because I was so down on myself I missed a day.

These sort of workouts make it seem so easy. They have the obligatory photo of a woman with crazy cut abs as the background, they build up "only" a few reps a day, and when you first start, you feel awesome. I'm productive! I'm burning fat! I'm building muscle!

And some of that is true. I startled myself in Week 2 when I crossed my arms and felt my right inner bicep and it was hard as rock, even though I was at rest watching tv with my husband. I was so excited, I made everyone I saw feel it for two days. I made muscle!
Here's the thing though. The entire ordeal is almost not worth it when you see what it is costing you in groceries, in time, and in ego when you realize that all your hard work has done absolutely nothing on the scale or in your clothes. I went from spending only $50 or so on groceries for a week to spending over $100. I was doing my absolute best to "eat clean" and not eat anything processed or packaged. That's great in theory, not very realistic in practice. I haven't had much of a problem actually doing it - I love veggies, chicken and fruit, so it isn't like I'm eating things I hate - but it's so expensive that each week I find myself doing it less and less. I just can't afford it, and that makes me angry. Packaged junk is cheap, and for someone with bills and a child (someone with the average life), it is just not feasible. Not to mention it makes eating with my family an absolute chore and nearly impossible.

I give myself one "treat" meal a week when I can have french fries, Dr Pepper, and a burger. My mom calls them Hamburger Wednesdays and we started doing them years ago. It's her meal to break up her stressful work week. The rest of the week isn't nearly as bad for her and french fries are her one vice, much like me. One meal will not set anyone back for life so I don't worry about it, and it hasn't stressed me out at all. Even the most dedicated body builder has the occasional pizza (The Rock even posts about it on instagram with a certain level of glee).

I am in Week 4 of my 30 day challenge. I've built endurance so that I can do a ton of squats and barely break a sweat (I'm doing 200 tonight). Crunches, pushups and lunges, I haven't built as much endurance for, but I am doing them and getting better every day. My calorie tracker I got for free through work tells me I burn at least 100 calories each time, though that was disappointing at first because I expected it to be more. I have a great support system that really helps me keep going - my husband cheers me on as I nearly kill myself doing crunches, a friend on Facebook sends me inspirational photos and quotes all the time, and I follow a few people on Instagram that make fantastic cheerleaders. I have all the things I need, and I'm working hard.

But guess what? I have lost only a total of two pounds. My clothes fit almost exactly the same as they did when I started. I see only the most minute differences in my body, and in odd places - my inner knee, my inner arm, my hips. My belly looks exactly the same. My thighs, identical. I haven't even lost anything in my face, which is usually where you can see weight loss first. And I have been BUSTING MY BUTT, watching other people doing almost exactly the same thing see dramatic results. It's discouraging, it's disappointing, and worst of all, I want to quit. I feel like I'm wasting my time. Everyone says, "eat better, exercise for 15 minutes a day, and you'll see results!" And it's true...for everyone but me, I guess. I actually count every calorie I intake, and never eat more than 1500 a day, which is actually less than most programs tell you to eat.

And nothing. This is why people quit, or give up. I honestly don't know how people lose weight doing things like Weight Watchers, and not working out. Or paleo. Or this stupid "eating clean" bull. I'VE BEEN DOING IT. And NOTHING.

At this point, my frustration knows no bounds. I want to quit. I'm tired, I'm sore, and I'm so disappointed that thinking about it makes me tear up. It's so unfair to work so hard for nothing.

But I won't. Micah gets bigger and faster every day, and when I break into a disgusting, heavy sweat just carrying him across the house, or fail to catch him when he runs from me, it means I am a failure already. And I can't let this beat me.

But sometimes I want to.

Baby Nadia in her handmade bedding

Remember this post where I showed off some handmade bedding I made for a friend who was expecting? Well, that little baby was born just over two weeks ago, so I stopped by to see her and take some photos of her cuteness in the bedding I made. And seriously, Nadia is just the sweetest little baby.





She's exactly the way Micah was as a newborn, wide awake and moving and shaking up a storm. I'm glad I had my new 85mm F1.8 because she was so busy I had to shoot fast to catch her without blur. And the best part? Her mom dressed her up in outfits that matched her bedding, though we did have to take an obligatory bottle break halfway through to keep the princess happy. It was worth it.





I remember when I first started with photography, I would be so excited to see people using the photos I took of them on their social media profiles. It was ego-boosting to see everyone comment on the pictures, saying how nice they came out. But I gotta say, seeing the things I handmade for someone being used is even better. My time and energy is taken so much more literally when I sew, and seeing a sweet newborn laying on her brand new blankets and sheets I made? Incredibly gratifying. I appreciate every opportunity, and I hope I have many more.

Patterns released!

In the last month, I have tested two patterns for two fabulous bloggers/designers. Let me tell you, sitting on the pictures after I test a pattern is hard! I always want to show off something that turns out especially cute, but I was a good girl and I waited. Turns out that one pattern was a part of the newest Pattern Anthology colllection, the Alphabet Collection. And really, I could not have been more pleased to be a part of it.

The first was a pattern from Shwin&Shwin, The BBC Vest.




I asked him to make muscles for me. Eh, close enough.



Micah is a pretty true 4T, though he tends to be on the slim side. I cut a 4T and I guess Micah grew, because it was a little short/narrow. That's what pattern testing is for! It still turned out really cute, and he loved it, so I will be making him more of these in the future.

The second was a pattern from Melly Sews, the Tee x 3.







This was fantastic! My mom bought some cute jersey with an elephant pattern from Joann's about a week before I volunteered to pattern test, so it could not have been better timing. I drafted the pants myself from a pair of Micah's existing pajamas, and I chose the long sleeved version of the Tee pattern for the top. My dad thought I bought them at the store. That's always a flattering thing to hear, but the pattern could not have made it more easy. I'm still learning to work with jersey, but it's a very forgiving fabric. I knew not to pull it through the feed dogs, but it still gave me some wavey seams. Once on, you couldn't really tell, and I am pretty proud of these.

Go buy them! You won't regret it.

Selfish Sewing Week

I entered a contest awhile back (I forget what it was even for - it's been awhile), and one of the entries included Liking a page on Facebook. That is how I found imagine gnats. Is that not the cutest blog name ever?

imagine gnats is about to start Selfish Sewing Week.

I think it's really easy to get stuck in a rut sewing for your children instead of yourself, because they are smaller, quicker, easier to fit, and so cute you can't stand it. I know that's pretty much what always happens to me. Plus it's more expensive to sew for myself because I need three times as much material for even the simplest of items because I am just bigger and taller. (Not for long - when I hold Micah his feet touch my knees. Seriously. He's enormous.)

A little over a week ago I bought a couple yards of some truly beautiful satin though. Literally the most gorgeous fabric I have ever owned. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it...but it's currently sitting in a puddle on my dining room table because I haven't had the time to get to it. This week has been full of pattern testing and pajamas for Micah, both of which take precedence because I have no restraint when it comes to stuff for him.



Thanks to Selfish Sewing Week, I now have a good excuse to set other things aside, and have some fun for myself. I will be back after the weekend with a completed outfit unless something crazy happens. Fingers crossed.

Come and join the fun!

Flickr group
Selfish Sewing Week Flickr group

Wedding sashes (and how much I hate this fabric)

A co-worker of mine got married the 1st of June. Her wedding was really beautiful (judging by the photos - I had a paid photography gig that night so I had to miss it), and the best part was that her entire female wedding party wore sashes I had made for her. My first big paid custom work, actually. I was SO super proud of the way they turned out!



They look pink in this picture, but they were a really vibrant, true red. And I was rather proud of my work when I saw the first pictures of her wedding party (and herself) in them. Photography by Genesa Richards.





Looking at the finished product, they look so simple and pretty, nothing but straight lines.

But oh, you would be SO wrong.

They are all FOUR YARDS LONG. And I made SEVEN. The flower girl had one that was only three yards long, but the bride had two different widths to be sure she had what she liked, and they were a whopping FIVE yards long.

And this material, while beautiful and satiny soft, frays like mad. In long strings. Everywhere. It also slips and slides all over the place as you sew, and cutting such a long piece presented problems I had never come across before. Thankfully, she bought it by the bolts, so I just unrolled it as I cut, which helped tremendously. But still...SO LONG.

In the end, it was worth all the curse words I spat at my machine. And the Ibuprofen after turning seven sash tubes right side out. Really, it was.

It's weird being the one in front of the camera

I don't think I have ever really mentioned this here, but I am also a photographer in my (little) free time. It's mostly a hobby, but to keep my skills sharp I take little paid photo gigs on occasion. I like to shoot family portraits, especially children.





A few weeks ago, a photographer friend of mine got an idea to do a photo series of people she knows, called Overexposed/Underexposed. The point was to take one photo of something special that everyone knows about you, and one that not everyone knows but is important. After some thought, I chose to use photography/sewing. I have been a photographer since 2007 (holy cow, I just realized how long that is), but I have only been sewing since 2011, and mostly for myself and Micah. So when people think about needing a photographer, they would likely think of me, but if they needed pants hemmed, they likely wouldn't. In my social circle, that is.

The final photos of me will not be public until the whole set has been shown in a gallery somewhere here in Albuquerque, but in exchange for my (rather lacking) model skills, Minie took some pictures of me at my machine that I could use as a headshot/profile image online in places where I talk about my sewing. Like here!

I haven't changed my pictures everywhere yet, but my Pinteresting Mommy Facebook page is using it, as well as my Kids Clothing Week profile.



And you guys? I have never liked a photo of me as much as I like this one. I am used to being the one holding the camera, not the one posing, and I felt super awkward. But Minie makes me look thoughtful and awesome, so she gets a ton of kudos. In fact, you should go hire her if you are local! She will work her magic for you.

Did you get photos taken for your online presence?

Sewing up a storm!

I may not have posted in awhile (nor had the time), but I have been trying to sew as much as possible on my weekends. It still takes me ages to finish stuff that is more complicated than a paid of sleep shorts or a crib sheet, but even if it takes me three weeks to get a blanket done, at least I finished it!

I cannot tell you how often I wish I could work from home. Seriously. I daydream about winning the lottery and being able to sew as much as I wanted all the time. But I digress.

My two biggest undertakings in the past few months were paid custom work. A classmate of mine from high school is having a baby in August. She posted a picture of a really pretty crib set on Facebook, lamenting the price ($300). I looked at it carefully and then offered to make her a similar set if she bought the fabric, and then charged a small price per piece since it was the first set I had ever made, and I didn't want to completely jip myself. She brought me the material and ribbon to make two complete sets (one mini-crib, one standard crib), and I went to work.


Mini-crib blanket.

It. Took. FOREVER. Mostly because I was uncertain of myself because I hadn't sewn a crib set before. The sheets went quick and easy, but I had some serious issues with the minky for the blankets, and then the skirts ended up being too short so I had to add material to both. One of the crib sheets I had to "side" with the blanket material because the piece she bought was too narrow.


Full size crib blanket.

In the end, they turned out so cute. And I offered to take newborn photos for free so I could have some shots of the cribs all made up with a sweet little baby in them. Those will be forthcoming, as she is still baking that baby girl. I can hardly wait to see her in her fancy new cribs.


Skirts!